We'll be together in love and in hate
by crossroadx
Summary: While Dean is trying to bring Sam back, Castiel appears to say goodbye.


Author: crossroad_x

Title: Now and forever we'll be together in love and in hate

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Unbeta'ed (mistake? say it, I change it)

Word Count: 834

Pairing/Character: Dean/Cas

Summary: While Dean is trying to bring Sam back, Castiel appears to say goodbye.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but the story.

Author's note: Set shortly after season 5.

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**I**t's a lazy Saturday afternoon. The day is slow. Lisa is out with Ben. Visiting relatives or something like that. He told her he wasn't ready for this. He told her the truth. He just left out one other reason. He didn't give up yet.

So he stayed. He refuses to call this 'home'. It isn't, yet. And Dean doubts it will ever be more than just a fleeting shelter. Until he finds a way to bring Sam back. Books are scattered all over the desk. Books about demons, rituals. Old, long forgotten by ordinary mankind. His hand scratches his head, he feels a headache approaching. Lazily he starts rubbing his hands over his burning eyes and pinches his nose with thumb and index finger of his left hand, his right is turning a page.

Dean is staring down. Angels of death. He considers the idea and opens the laptop. It's his first real attempt since Lisa left and his mind switched from happy family to serious business. He finds tons of information and also finds himself missing Sam more and more by every passing second. If that's even possible. His thoughts often drift to Castiel, but he refuses to think about the angel too long. He doesn't need the additional pain. He knows it's ridiculous and childish because the pain never really vanishes. Its claws are present at all times.

Dean feels the familiar prickle behind his eyes. He doesn't want to cry. He can't believe he is still capable of doing so. He shed so many tears already. Dean closes his eyes and _feels_ it. Him.

"Cas?" It's not: why are you here. It means: what took you so long? Dean turns around. Immediately his eyes find the angels blue stare. Dean is rising up from the chair; it feels uncomfortable looking up at Castiel.

The angel eyes are as always, looking through everything, until they reach the deepest place of his soul. This special place for everything he wants and knows he can never have. Rough hands are suddenly on both of his cheeks. He is trying to jerk back and remind Cas about personal space, but there is the desk behind him. Trapping him between the piece of wood and Castiel's body, which seems to come closer and closer until only mere centimeters are separating them. "What are you doing?" He is confused and angry. But of course Cas is just like he always is. Playing Mr. Mystery; Saying nothing, only silently staring.

Before he can ask another question, can mutter another word the angel is in his face. On it. His lips are touching Dean's. He doesn't move, neither of them does. Their eyes are locked. Dean is breathing heavily through his nose. His racing heart is like a wardrum in this ongoing silence.

And then Castiel is moving. His thumbs caressing Dean's cheeks; his lips moving. Testing. And recently Dean lacked passion. He felt hollow and sometimes more dead than alive. And something breaks inside of him. His hands find the angel's neck. He starts to respond to the probing. Their eyes close and their lips begin to move furiously. Dean's drumming heart sets his whole body on fire. A slow, steady heat is starting to spread from his belly into every nerve. He nibbles on Castiel's lower lip, sucks it between his teeth. His back is pressed against the hard wood of the table, he doesn't feel it. Only the heat of their bodies.

They break apart for a moment, it's unnecessary for the angel, but Dean needs to breathe. They don't open their eyes. Instead mouths find their previous destination. Dean opens the others mouth, his tongue invading and is pushed back shortly after. He feels disappointed for a moment. But Cas' own tongue begins to lick into him. Every area of his mouth is touched. He is full of Castiel, he is everywhere around him. Inside him. Licking away any traces Lisa might have left. Spreading his taste on Dean's tongue and the roof of his mouth. Nothing is left except for Castiel. And then it's over. He lets go of him, abruptly, giving him no time to adjust, to hold himself together. He stumbles backwards into the desk.

Castiel is looking at him with his typical expression of sorrow and curiosity; he himself is out of breath. He feels like the angel opened his own personal Pandora box and reversed it. First the hope then the despair. He wants to whisper, "Stay". He wants to scream, "Wait!" He wants to know, "Why?" But nothing is said and Castiel disappears.

Later Dean will scream his lungs out. Shouting Castiel's name over and over again, until he has the feeling his lungs are going to burst. Another angel will appear and order him to never try to call Castiel ever again.

Nevertheless he will try the remaining Sunday. No answer will come. As soon as Lisa and Ben are back he will stop for good.

Of course the order is disobeyed about a year later.


End file.
